Today I'm reflecting on my life..

Today I find myself sitting in front of my computer thanking God for my life.  I have learned so many new things this past year and a half.  I met someone that took my breath away on our first kiss. I believe he is a gift from God because he has keeps me positive and motivated!  On April 18, 2009 my world changed and now I see it was for the  best..  I had just started a new job and my employer was so understanding about my time off of work.  I put a lot of trust in them because they came to my rescue.  They lent us money so we could move for safety.   I don't have family that lives close to me and I'm not the type of person who relies on others..I try to be superwoman and handle everything myself.  I feel that I am a stronger person today and I pray that I will be able to make some money and fast!  I need to move to San Diego  because that is the place I've wanted to live for the past 6 years.  I want to start over in a different city, I want to feel safe where no one knows me! I dream of waking up and not looking out my windows and doors to make sure no one is outside.  I dream of being able to sit outside in the evening..OH with my backyard being the beach/ocean and enjoying  my kid's, a BBQ, glass of wine, good friends and not worry about a crazy man finding me. I dream of always having food in my refrigerator (that's for my son..I can go grocery shopping and he will still say what's to eat!), I dream of owning a home again one day, I dream of having money to pay my bills ( sheesh it has been rough!) and I dream of a life where I can afford to pay for simple things. I dream of helping my daughter with college because she is struggling to pay for it.   I dream of buying my son necessities for school and I dream of working for a professional company..and I dream of always being able to give back and pay it forward. My dreams become my thoughts, then my actions and my goals. I try to pay it forward now because we can all use a little hand up!  So needless to say my road to being a Victor is awesome!  I have learned so much about myself.  I find myself making personal challenges to find the positive in every situation..that is work in progress!  I pray everyday and thank God for another day to make a difference.  I cannot wait to start my organization to help Victims of Domestic.  I have a lot of research to do. Helping people within the first 24 to 48 hours of the incident. You have no idea what you need, what, think and not much makes sense..I needed help that was not easily available to me.  Money. I cannot imagine having to live in the same place wondering day after day if they are going to come back? Wondering if you will be safe.  We had to move because we were all scared.  All 3 of us (my 2 kid's and myself) would all go downstairs together for the longest time.  We never had all the light off in the house..always dim so we can still see.  I want to be the person that says, "I understand the pain and this will not be an easy road, but it can be done." I learned so much about our system and did not realize I had to fight so hard.  I still don't understand why "he" was so protected and I had to fight to protect myself.  The court system actually believed his lies,  Thank goodness I showed up to read my victim statement because he would not have had to do much.  Apparently from what I was told ...if he would have stabbed me they would have given him more time. ( I could not believe they actually told me that)  Well, that needs to change because he beat the life out of me and my family and I still have nightmares.  He acts like nothing and he's back to drinking and parting even when he is on probation...amazing.  However, I no longer worry about that and I still keep the eyes in back of my head so to speak..I stay prepared everyday just in case I am surprised by him.  One day we will be in San Diego and be able to relax...Oh Lord help us all and give us strength. Give us the strength we need to be strong and courageous!  And help our Dreams come true! AMEN!