Domestic Violence .......it's out of control

My boyfriend called me from San Diego last night to tell me about a women he heard about on the news.  He was disturbed by the news story and called to tell me about it.  My boyfriend understands what I've been through, but I feel bad at times when the memory flood gates open and I shut down.  The reason he called me was to understand her story so I could use the information in my book.  He told me to focus my attention on the positive and helping people because I talk about helping people it all the time.  I looked up the story and it was the same old thing..a domestic violence situation that went horribly wrong...again! I understand this so much better now.  I can still remember the fear as I was driving home from San Jose to Rocklin where we were living. My son and I were just silent for almost the entire 2 hour and 15 minute drive.  The entire way I continued to say why me, why did he do this to me?  I would look in my rear view mirror and did not recognize the woman looking back at me.  I was so horrified and I could not find comforting words for my son.  I told myself that my attacker (he was my live in boyfriend at the time) had died.  I no longer had a boyfriend he was not dead.  The painful part was arriving at our home and seeing all of his things and our life together in our home.  As I walked in to our home I felt terror and my daughter who was 17 at that time just gave me a hug and we started to cry.  My daughter could not make it to the family event because she was working..one thing she did for me that made me know we would be ok was this....she started packing up all of his clothes from my bedroom and putting them in the garage!  The next few days I was still in so much pain and emotional distress that all I could do was get restraining orders and try to make sure they were not going to let him out of jail.  I asked several police officers what do I do if he gets out before the restraining order is filed? The temporary order expired and it took forever to get the one from Placer County where I was living. The police officers said.."well, it's his home he has the right to come back." I could not believe that which is why I asked several. I received the same response.  It was at that moment that I understood why women go back to the attacker.  I understood the fear and confusion and I never could understand it before.  I would say they are crazy for going back.  How can you go back to that when you have children?? I GOT IT LOUD AND CLEAR! I did not have money to move and I would have been stuck if it was not for my employer giving me a loan to move...and I moved quickly!  This is the area that I would like to help people..it's the first 24 to 48 hours that we need a helping hand up.  We need to feel safe and make things happen for us..because we cannot depend on anyone.  It took me days to get the restraining order filed and a JOKE to get him served while he was in jail!! That I could not believe!  Everyone I am working on a solution to help people and this will be successful.  No one else should ever have to go through what I had to go through.  I also remember asking ....is he going to prison for what he did to me?  I was hoping for a yes...I was told by the DA that he was not..if he would have stabbed me, then yes. WHAT? Wow, that is what I'm talking about..they need to have harsher penalties for this type of attack.  I need to get on the ball and figure this stuff out.  It pains me to read on a daily basis this madness happening.  We will be the victors everyone..we will be! God Bless everyone!