Restraining Order fiasco! Why did I have to fight for PROTECTION?? 4/18/09

I'm going to try and detail my experience obtaining the restraining order.  First, I really did not understand how the court system worked.  I never received a speeding ticket or anything like that so the court system was foreign to me.  I never thought I would EVER experience the horrifying act of domestic violence, but I did and learned a lot about changes that need to take place.

First of all- When I was in the emergency room the police office gave me a copy of an "Application for Emergency Protective Order (CLETS)" The application was an order of protection for myself and my 2 kid's.  It listed a brief description of my injuries (still hard to read it).  The Emergency Protective order stated the restrained person cannot contact us and must stay 300 yards from each of us and move out immediately.  The protective order expired on 4/24/09 at 5:00 pm.

Sunday the 19th we checked out of the hotel and drove home.  The fear and devastation you feel is indescribable, but to have to go on...especially if you have children you need to protect.

Monday the 20th, I could barely move because of my injuries.  My body was so sore and I felt this unbelievable pain all over my body.  I could not sit, stand or sleep due to the excruciating pain I was feeling all over my body.  My head injury was so severe that I could not walk without getting dizzy.  I would get sick from the pain, but had to continue on my journey of protection.  I made some phone calls and asked where to go to obtain a restraining order. ( I blogged about this in detail somewhere below) After all my running around I was finally able to find the right place for the restraining order. It took me approximately 5 hours of driving back and forth to finally find the right place.

As I was sitting at the Superior Court of California County of Placer people were just staring at me..I could see them just watching me.  My face was black and blue and so swollen.  My arm was wrapped and in a sling and I was a little loopy.  I waited my turn and went to the window to ask about a restraining order.  The woman who helped me "gasped" when she looked at up at me.  I took a deep breath and started to tell her what I was trying to do and I started to cry.  I could not believe I was at the court house getting a restraining order.  The paperwork took me 2 hours to fill out due to my arm injury.  When I returned to the window the woman looked over my paperwork and told me I missed a few things..I was so upset, in pain, heart broken and devastated by the events of the day I just stood and cried.  The woman took my paperwork and asked me the questions and filled it out for me.  To be honest, that woman made me feel good because she had compassion for me and took 5 minutes out of her day to help me..someone she did not even know..and I really need that!! Thank you!!!

I submitted the paperwork and dated it 4/20/09.  I was told it would take 24 hours so I would need to call the phone number and pick it up when it was ready.  4/21/09 I call the phone number, paperwork is ready so I head over to the Superior Court of California County of Placer to find my restraining order. I found it along with 3 copies.  The order was signed and stamped 4/21/09.  I asked the woman at the desk...OK so what now.  I have no idea what to do from here.  She told me I have to go to court see the date on the paperwork.  Show up and speak to the judge and the order will be in place. After it's recorded you have it served and because he is in custody you can ask for it to be faxed (WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! I was not allowed to fax it!)

My court date was 5/12/09- My emergency protective order expired on 4/24/09...so what happens in between 4/24/09 and 5/12/09??? I don't understand..can he come to my house? Response- if he does you can always call 911.

I attend the hearing on 5/12/09 at the court house.  The judge calls my name and I go up to the table. He asks me what happened and where the perpetrator is..I informed him that he plead guilty and he was incarcerated at the Elmwood Correctional Facility in Milpitas.  He asked a few more questions and granted me the restraining order that expires midnight on 5/12/14.

The fiasco comes into play trying to serve my ex-boyfriend when he was incarcerated.  I was told by the Superior Court of Placer County that I would have it faxed to Elmwood and they would serve him. I spoke to 15 different people and 24 different phone numbers and still got nowhere!! I could not understand why it was so difficult to have someone served when they are incarcerated.  I ended up driving to Milpitas and asking a police office if they could please serve the order.  (this fiasco is also listed in a blog below). The running around, all the wrong phone number, rude people who could careless about your problem, police officers laughing because of the run around, and the list goes on.  I was not asking for anything more than protecting my children and myself.  I had no idea when he would get out and if he would harm us when he get out.

The restraining order was one of the most disappointing parts of the process along with being lied to by the District Attorney.  I felt betrayed by the same system that was suppose to protect me.  I was betrayed by the system that gave me wrong phone numbers, by never called me back and by leaving messages for people who were assigned to my case, but away from the office (and no one checked their voice mail or covered for them). I was a victim of domestic violence and a victim of a messed up judicial system that was suppose to protect me/us..THE INNOCENT PARTY.  Where was my/our justice? Where was the truth?

In the mean time NO ONE told me that a restraining order was going to be issued at the time he went to court for his arraignment.  I received a letter in the mail from the County of Santa Clara Office of the District Attorney's office dated April 29, 2009 it was addressed to me and listed a docket #.  It said the following;  Attached please find your copy of a No Contact Protective Order that was issued by the Court on your behalf.  If you would like to modify the order, you must contact the Superior Court Clerk's office at (408) 808-6600 at the Hall of Justice., etc. The order attached listed a hearing date of 4/22/09 at 3:02
pm and order expires on 4/22/10. The post mark on the envelope was 4/30/09 and I did not receive it until the second week of May because I had moved.  Prior to moving I informed the District Attorney of my new address which was way before April 29,2009 . I wanted to make sure I received all correspondence relating to my case....Did they send it to my new address? Of course not! Which is why I did not receive it until the second week in May.

This was the most frightening time for my kid's and I.  I was extremely nervous wondering what was going to happen if he got out.  As far as I knew my Emergency Protective Order expired on 4/24/09 and we were no longer protected.  The miscommunication and erroneous information we received was heart breaking and disappointing. During this time I was in constant communication with the DA and I spoke to several police officer's, information desk at the Superior Court house of Placer County and the Superior Court house of Santa Clara County..no one ever gave me accurate information.

I am a professional business woman and I think of myself as being proactive and intelligent.  When you experience a situation such as domestic violence your spirit changes.  Your life as you know from that point changes.  You feel scared and not sure who to trust.  You lose friends because they are scared too or they are mutual friends with the attacker so they kind of back off.  I felt my questions were self explanatory in nature.  When I made phone calls I felt as if I was interrupting their day which is most likely why they gave me a phone number and transferred me around.  I do remember one guy who made me feel like he actually gave a hoot!  His name was Preet, thank you Preet for making me feel like you cared by taking the time to answer all my questions.  What Preet did not know he looked up and told me how the process worked.  It took this person to help me with the next step and I really appreciated his help!

What I learned from my experience is our system is flawed (I know,what a shocker!) I now understand why people end up going back.  I now understand the fear that makes people try and make peace and continue living with the violent person.  YOU are terrified and not protected so you take what ever means possible to protect yourself.  If you don't have family around or money in the bank you're pretty much stuck.  I've said this several time...I NEVER could understand the stories I heard on the news or radio about domestic violence and when they say the man or woman went back.  I would get upset and wonder WHY would someone do that? Why would you go back? Well, based on what we experienced I can see that you are left unprotected and you have to make a quick decision.  I was also told several times.."You are so lucky you don't have children together because this would be difficult."  WOW, I could not imaging having kid's together and being put through MORE than we already had been put through...is that fair to the victim?  I ran into so many road blocks trying to get him served and trying to find out when he would possible get released.  HE was so protected and I could not understand why.  Why was the system that was suppose to protect us continue to make us struggle and protect him?

The biggest challenge was money. It all boils down to having the money to get to a safe protected place.  My entire life and the life of my children had to change in order to be safe.  I believe people need an opportunity to move and protect themselves.  The challenge is you have to stick to your guns..so to speak.  You have to stay on the path of becoming the victor and never allow the attacker in your life again.  I always tell myself this..God did not put me on this earth to be hit by another person.  I thank God that I'm alive today and have a chance to help people.  I am a strong intelligent woman and I will not allow that person in my life EVER AGAIN.  I will be the victor of this situation and not the victim! I am a strong beautiful person that no longer wishes to know a person like him.  We are better off without him and good riddens to bad rubbish! I am so happy that we did not have children together..I really am!  I could not imagine how the system would have played that one out!

Our system needs to change-Our system is not set up to protect us.  I had one police officer tell me that if he came around someone has to see him or else you have nothing. I asked, " what if he comes into my house and hurts my kid's or myself?" He responded, "You have a restraining order just call us."  I lost faith in the system that is set up to protect the criminal.  I lost faith in the people that were put in place to help us.  We were just another family that did not matter in the everyday scheme of things.  It did not matter how many phone calls we made, or how many places we drove to, or how many Internet searches performed to understand what was happening..we were lied to plan and simple.

I had to pay back the $2500.00 I borrowed to move.  I had to pay the $500.00 in utility bills that he didn't pay.  And to top it all off he was using my credit cards without my knowledge.  I learned so many lessons and I am very thankful today!  All I know is we need some serious changes made to our system and the sooner the better!