I forgive him- Thank you to Tyler Perry, Oprah, Sheila E. & Santana!!!!!!

I forgive Ben for the night of April 18, 2009.  I said that I forgave him before, but I really didn't mean it.  I tried to go through the motions, but in my heart I disliked him. I finally let it all go! I can finally say, "I FORGIVE YOU BEN." WOW, that was huge!

My journey has been a loooooooong road with a lot of downs and a few ups. My boyfriend told me last week that I have to find it in my heart to forgive him...REALLY forgive him or else I will carry this in my heart.  He was right.  I said those words before and they were just words, but not words from the heart.

This past week I prayed a lot.  I've been out of work for almost 1 month now and I've had so much time to think about what I need to do.  I was folding some laundry and turned on the TV.  The Oprah show was starting and the guest was Tyler Perry..I just love him!  I was hearing his story of abuse and I felt his pain when he was talking.  Towards the end of the show Tyler told Oprah that he forgave his father. He supports his father financially, but he does not want his father in his life. It was that moment that I understood that I can forgive.  I can forgive and not have that person in my life.  Oprah made the same type of comment about being abused and also said she forgave the person.  It was like a burst of energy was inside of me that told me..you need to forgive..it's time.  After the Oprah show I changed my clothes and got on the treadmill.  I chose some random songs on my IPOD.  As I was warming up one to one of my FAVORITE artist..SHEILA E!! I think she is amazing!! She has this jazz tune called HEAVEN.  As I was walking to the music my heart was filled with so many emotions.  I think I heard that jam 4 times..then EUPORA from Carlos Santana came on. Heaven and Europa are two of my favorites!!!  I thought about Sheila E. and what an amazing women she is.  She comes from a very talented family!! Her dad and brother are just as amazing as she is! Oprah, Tyler, Santana and Sheila E. thank you for helping me see that I can forgive.  I thought it was a sign that those songs played when they did..I did not choose them they just came on randomly.  You just never know what or who will touch your life.  I hope one day I will meet them and tell them thank you.  Thank you for sharing your words, music and life because it made a difference in mine!!!  I admire all of them so much and I pray that one day I will meet them..maybe when I hold a fundraiser for women and men who were victims of domestic violence!! You just never know!!

I am feeling so great today!!! I will be starting work on Wednesday and I'm hoping to move to San Diego in December (fingers crossed!!!)  I am finally happy that I can release all that negative energy, but it is work in progress.  I find myself picking up my gratitude rock all the time and saying out loud what I'm grateful for!  My daughter made me laugh the other night because she came into my room picked up my gratitude rock, held it towards heaven and said, "Mom I'm grateful for having a roof over our head! And I'm grateful that you don't work for that terrible company!"  We both laughed and then I said, "yes baby girl, me too!"

I feel that as a mother, sister, daughter and friend that I had to share my story.  I feel that I have to pray for the strength and courage to find a way to help people.  Too many people are hurt by domestic violence and it is not just the person who was abused.  It's the children, parents, family and friends who love that person.  It really does touch a lot of people and I do not ever want my daughter or son to experience this first hand.  It was bad enough they had to witness this at all.  So my next posts hopefully will be how my sister's, brother and parents felt about this.  Much love God Bless you!