Sentencing Day

Sentencing day was very nerve racking!  My daughter asked if she could join me and I was happy she did!  The 2 hour and 20 minute drive seems like 5 hours when you drive it alone.  Two of my cousins came along with me for additional support and that made me feel safe. I walked in, spoke to the bailiff and told him, " I was informed to let you know that I am the victim and I have a victim statement that I will be reading."  I give him additional information for the judge, public defender and the District Attorney.  I felt as if I was going to get sick. I knew Benny could not see me because he did not have his bifocals on.  As I looked over I could see him handcuffed to another inmate and I felt this surge of being flushed with terror and anxiety rush through my entire body.  I start to hear the judge reading his sentence and when I see him standing I feel like I want to throw up. He has no expression on his face and looks forward. The judge finally acknowledges me and says to go ahead approach the microphone and read the statement. I tell the judge that he can not see without his glasses so I made copies of the pictures so he can see what he did to me..he said, "NO."   The public defender said, "No your honour that is not necessary we don't need to see them!" WHAT!! HE GETS THE RIGHT TO SAY NO!! CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? HE HAS A CHOICE IN THE MATTER? I fight the tears to read my letter..all the while I'm saying to myself.don't cry, let him hear every word..don't breakdown, you need to read this letter, get a grip, these are your words.. I finally get to the end of my letter and say... so in closing, I say to you, Goodbye forever, I no longer wish to know someone like you, and I definitely do not want someone like you around me or my children. You will answer to God one day and I will never be your punching bag again. The judge tells me I did a great job, and several others tell me the same thing as they pat me on my back.  My victim statement did not make that big of a difference on his sentencing.  They added a few more classes, but nothing that was a big deal. He is getting out of jail in July. How is that possible? I don't know why this was allowed...the judge did say, Well, Mr....doodie head (she didn't say doodiehead) it sounds much worse than you told us, based on her statement you have quite the problem! I was not aware this was so severe? WHAT? YOU DID NOT KNOW..WHY NOT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.. HOW CAN THEY NOT KNOW???? HIS SENTENCE WAS ALREADY IN PLACE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?..he received 3 years probation, 52 week domestic violence class, 24 months...alcohol classes and 5 month in jail with credit for time served so he gets out July 13th. In the mean time I'm trying to find a place to live with no money saved, I'm getting harassed by his brothers girlfriend so I had to change my phone numbers, and I'm for sure moving because i am afraid for my life and my kids life. He is a different person today and I know he will come find me. He is a black belt in karate and a user of such so I need to be very careful and watch every step...Lord help me and my kid's. Our entire life is out of control! He know's our schedule, he know's where my kid's go to school.  Lord please don't let him come after us!