Today is another day in my Journey

I had a long night last night.  I could hear the tick, tick, tick of the clock as the numbers changed. I got up 5 times last night and went to work.  As the moments unfolded last night after my last entry I had to sit back and pray.  I had to sit back and think about the conversations and my actions.  Was I being insensitive? Yes, perhaps I was. Was I acting like a "victim?"  I would say, "NOT."  A victim? I would not associate one with the other here..I'm still trying to figure how that line pertains to this situation.

The reason why I'm adding this to my blog is because it's part of my journey. My journey into being a better me and enjoying life to the fullest.  I am still feeling terrible about last nights argument and harsh words, but I cannot change it.  I cannot change the past, but I can learn from it and be a better me.  Up to this point I thought I was doing well...I feel that everything I do on a daily basis exuded progress and change.

I wake up this morning and read a very heart felt email response...For some reason I can't get this line out of my head.."I know you have worked hard to be a better you, but this has nothing to do with what you've done about you."  I felt as if I hit a brick wall.  Is this possible?  How can this be?  I am really trying to analyze the information because I think it's pretty important to my success in being a better me.  


I am trying to so hard to check myself when I start thinking in a negative manner.  I have noticed that most people go down negativity road. I was one of them.  I make a conscious effort to find the positive in every situation.  I really do.  When I have trouble seeing the positive I have to take a moment and look at it again.


I feel my journey has opened me up for many different experiences...(however, I did not give out Halloween candy because I felt anxiety about opening the door to people in costumes.)  Still working on this one.


I guess most of all... today, I'm sad that my boyfriend is not talking to me.  I do think my boyfriend is an amazing person and I love him with all my heart.  He has given me some of the tools I need for my journey and I'm very thankful. 


I feel that my journey is teaching me great qualities about myself  and I love it.  I pray that God will continue to bless me with the wisdom & courage to stay strong and continue on my journey.