A day in Court April 29, 2009

Well, my ex boyfriend went to court yesterday for the arraignment. I called the DA's office today and found out that the plea was "guilty." I felt that I should have attended, but the DA insisted this was nothing to be concerned with..it is usually very quick.  I was informed that the sentencing is May 20 something in San Jose.. oh my head is just spinning from all of this.. Trying to work at a new job..learning something new..getting dizzy all the time. Be strong Jacqueline, be strong. The DA told me that I should attend the sentencing and If I did not have someone to accompany me I can call the victim witness program.  I was told that he plead guilty and a prosecutor will be calling me for some information. My ex had never put his hands on me ever! I'm feeling very mixed up, upset, sad, mad, frustrated, scared, sick to my stomach, nervous, embarrassed  and anxious. I wonder what is going to happen to him.  I wonder if he felt remorseful.  I wonder if he would come looking for me and hurt me when he got out.  I he could have seen what he did to me. You know, I think they should be made to see the extent of what they did..period. They should not have a choice on whether or not to see crime scene photos.  I know I sound brave saying that.. every time I hear his name I feel scared and want to throw up from nerves. It's just crazy. This Saturday I have to drive back to Milpitas to try and get the correct papers signed for the restraining order. My Internet at home doesn't work, I have no money to pay bills, no groceries for my kid's. What is going on???  This entire situation changed my life in seconds.  I was already struggling and now this.  I still can't believe I have to drive all the way back to Milpitas to have him served CORRECTLY.  My emergency protective order expired on 4/24/09 at 5:00 pm.  I've been rushing around and driving around to make sure the restraining order is valid! We are not protected right now. I called the police department and asked, "what happens if he posts bail and wants to come home??" I was told that because we share the home and I do not have a restraining order in place he would be allowed in our home. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Oh, but if he hit me again, used a weapon on me, stabbed me...feel free to call the police department...OK, how do you sleep with that over your head?

So, I asked what if he did come back and do this? How do I prove it? He said, "I have to have witnesses." Well let me tell you this...your friend will pretty much stay away from you.  Your circle of friends gets smaller and smaller because they are all afraid of getting involved.  They are afraid of being with you in the event something happens.  This is scary stuff and you cannot blame people for stepping back.  I was scared for my friends too.  I never want anyone to experience this nightmare.

The last time I drove to Elmwood in Milpitas to have him served the Police officer took one look at me and said, "oh my gosh! Are you ok?" We had a brief conversation about the waiting room as it was time for family visits.  As I was looking around at all the people waiting to visit the inmates I noticed several small children going along.  I asked the police office if that was common? Do you see a lot of children coming to the jail to visit inmates?  He said, "Yes, you would be surprised what you see.  The children come week and after week and they understand they are coming to a jail!"  I was very surprised and tried to keep my sunglasses on so you could not see most of the bruising on my face.  I was introduced to this crazy world that I did not want to be a part of.

I was happy to hear that he pled guilty! Then I find out it actually pled No contest.  I also had no idea at this particular time that a deal had already been made.  I had no idea that the judge really was not familiar with my case.  I thought I could trust the information I was given because the DA was representing me.  If for a second I would have been told that they were already negotiating his sentence I would have attended no questions asked.  I did not receive much information from the DA..only that the probation report stated they continued to catch him contradicting his story.  The probation officer would catch him lying and would ask the question again.  OK, what does that tell you..he has issues!  I know at some point I will confront this problem and do something about it.  I'm already going nuts with miscommunication and BS that I'm going through.